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16 July 2006 @ 02:03 am
Whee, look at me! I'm travelling!  
Okay, first up? I don't believe in Professor Oak/Birch/whatever here having not enough pokémon, because that is just a blatant excuse for any bad OC to get a stronger pokémon. Okay, so, maybe Ash was one; but have you noticed how it hasn't occured to anyone else besides Ash? (He had get a Pikachu; it was a plothole, sort of.)

And nobody starts a journey at thirteen(unless they have reasons, like they didn't want to, blah, blah...) -- the fact that trainers go at age ten or eleven is to prepare them for the world; and many stay out there exploring for years; that's why you have older trainers all over the place.

And Professor Maple -- well. I see Maplestory dancing in my eyes.

Story Or Series Title: Pokémon: The Hoenn Expedition
Summary: 15 year old Yivyn Azuderé has set off on his adventure throughout Hoenn with a somewhat special Togepi. He'll play a major role in a major event soon...he just doesn't know what yet.
Fandom: Gotta catch'em all and all that stuff.
Culprit Author's Name: Yivwn

Full Name (plus titles if any): Yivyn Azuderé (How would one pronounce that? Just curious.)
Full Species(es): Fated Stu
Hair Color (include adjectives): -
Eye Color (include adjectives): -
Unusual Markings/Colorations: -

Special Possessions: Togepi.

Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: -
Annoying Special Abilities: Staring journey at thirteen of age, starting with specially-bred Togepi.

Annoying Story Traits: Lack of grammar, paragraphing, spelling errors, strange names, easy plot points.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

Today’s the day… an anticipated Yivyn Azuderé thought to himself. Which Pokemon should I choose…? He grabbed his notes from the side drawer of his bed. He read aloud what he had wrote.

The day is grand and -- the pokemon anticipated, not the trainer. I mean, who wants another trainer?

“Torchic. A fire type Pokemon. Seems easy to raise, and well worth it. Perhaps I could raise it to become a Blazekin and it will burn all the opponents Pokemon to the ground!” he stated. He flipped the book to the next page.

It's Blaziken, sweetie.

“Mudkip…he’s a water Pokemon. This would be good for my first gym battle against Roxanne, but my patience might get worn out when raising it. SIGH Maybe it can grow into a Swampert…then we can ride the waves and search below for new rare water Pokemon!” he exclaimed as he read. He flipped to his third page, and the last page of what he had written down.

SIGH. Your punctuation counts, very single one!

“Treeko would be a challenge to raise, but definitely worth it in the end, especially when it evolves to Skeptyle and learns Sky Uppercut! That would be the best!” he sighed after reading and lay his head back. “Maybe you should wait until you see what Professor Birch has!” a whiney voice exclaimed as a small bug net hit Yivyn in the head. Then Yivyn scared out of his mind, jumped up and threw the net away. It just turned out to be his little brother Sven. “Well…” Sven said, “It’s already 12:45. You should get going.” Yivyn sighed and nodded. He put his shoes on and tied them. Then he took his backpack and lightly placed it on his back. Finally, he took his hat and placed it on his head. He leaped out of his room and down the stairs.

Sceptile. And, you know, Sky Uppercut is not Sceptile's attack. .___.

“See ya mom. I’ll be right back!” Yivyn stated running out the door. Yivyn’s mom looked upset. There was a reason for this, but she never told Yivyn or Sven. Sven came down the stairs as Yivyn’s mom was staring at Yivyn running down the dirt road towards Professor Birch’s lab. “Mommy…” Sven began, “Why do you get so sad-looking when Yivyn or I talk about becoming Pokemon Masters?” With tears in her eyes, their mom, Amelia, looked at Sven and sighed deeply. “I was hoping never to tell you this story…but now it looks like I don’t have a choice.” Sven looked curious as he hopped up on a stool that sat near the counter.

OH WOES. THE ANGST, THE DRAMA -- IT MAKES ME WANT TO... vomit. And with the name Amelia, but with children called Sven and Yivyn?

“Ten years ago, when Yivyn was 5 and you were 3, you had an older brother, who was 17 at the time. His name was Remiel. Well, he always played with you guys. He had his two Pokemon, Swurrull and Cheririn, well…those were the nicknames I could remember. Anyways, one day, five years later, he was called upon by the army to take action against what was known as Project RS, when Kyogre and Groudon were awoken. He had to use Evo Stones, only given by the army, to evolve Swurrull to Kimechull and his Cheririn to Sakurain. They looked so tough, so…evil. You two cried at the sight of them. I remember a few weeks later…General Ericho Cobalt delivered his last letter before he died in the line of duty. I actually have it right here would you…like to read it?” his mother explained, then politely asked. Sven, still a bit confused, took the letter from his mother. The envelope was brown, as if left for no one to read over a long period of time.

And they never remembered events ten years ago...? Uh. Created pokémon with names, called 'tough and cruel', but never described. How cruel! Leave us wondering what they are, will you?

And Evo Stones. The Eevees weep.

Your son gave you a letter. Your dead son. You never read? :/ What kind of mother are you? What if he wanted to tell you he was hiding somewhere? What if he wanted to tell you he loved you?


“Mom…you never opened this letter?” Sven questioned his mother. She shook her head and looked back out the window. No sight of Yivyn yet. Sven had opened the letter, and read what it said.

...okay. He went out minutes ago, and you tell yourself: Nope, not here...

He's not superman -- wait, he's a Stu. I'm sorry. Mixed up.
Current Mood: cranky
Current Music: Who Makes You Feel - Dido
我就是觉得...chaosakita on July 15th, 2006 08:26 pm (UTC)
No! Not Togepi! Togepi is too cool to abuse! (Plus, it's a great UU on Netbattle @ Thunder Wave/Counter/Sesmic Toss/Softboiled)
rainejoybringer: pic#49139891rainejoybringer on July 16th, 2006 01:20 am (UTC)
I think this person needs to do a little more research on Pokemon... I'm trying to figure out the math if their brother was so old... o_o and the pronounciation of the names.
farlafarla on July 18th, 2006 04:40 pm (UTC)
Yivyn Azuderé (How would one pronounce that? Just curious.)

According to the author, "its pronounced as it sounds". Make of that what you will.
(Anonymous) on February 6th, 2007 04:26 pm (UTC)
Yih-vin Ah-zoo-der-ray?
(Anonymous) on September 16th, 2007 10:35 pm (UTC)
Look pal. I dont know who you think you are, but do NOT copy and fucking critique my story without MY god damn permission.

tanaka.kiyoharu@hotmail.com >> Add me to MSN if you have a fucking problem.